Sam Adams

Originally written on May 20, 2022

I like to revisit the past
to cringe at the mistakes
punish myself for not knowing better
its as though I can’t let myself have all this growth
without punishment
I can do the work
make changes
try new things
I can make healthier decisions
but I’m not allowed to forgive
accept my past self as I was
what would happen
how would I even feel
what would it be like
in a space where I stop limiting myself
retreat from the inner voice shouting no
embrace the one asking me to try

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Originally written on January 26, 2022

I’m feeling tender.
stagnant and undecided
I can’t help but slip into this sad space
struggling with the bigger picture
and the small ones
the tiny ones that make up every hour
every minute
I’m not hungry in the morning
my clothes feel weird
I can’t get comfortable on the couch
take a walk
can’t decide which route to take
feels like the thousandth time
I need some change
it can be something small
looking to shake up the repetition

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Originally written on April 5, 2022

spring is waking up
slowly but steadily every day
warming
birds chirping calling us all to sing
sighs of relief
hope
finally defrosting ready to watch the earth come back to life
renew
replenish
i’ve been waiting
thank you for coming back

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Originally Written on August 6, 2021

The sounds of my life
water lapping up against the dock
skateboard wheels on the pavement
wind blowing through leaves
buzzing cicadas
bird song
squirrels crunching on walnuts from the tree in my backyard
pigeons on the roof
chatter of families walking together
deep breaths and sighs of relief
the snores of my partner
scratching of pen on paper

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Originally written on December 14, 2021

Eyes half closed and puffy. I turn on the kettle. I thought I had slept well but I keep waking up exhausted. It’s as though I close my eyes and wait for morning rather than fall asleep. I bought vitamin D. Hopefully that will carry me through these short dark days. I’m not much fun to talk to. Making it out of bed feels like a monumental task. My body is here writing. My brain is softly floating away looking for a place to hide for a while. I can’t blame it.

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Sam Adams

Sam Adams

Actor. Writer. Comedian. Based in Toronto. Dreaming of the Ocean.