Sam Adams

Originally written on April 24, 2022

I broke a small yellow tea cup a few weeks ago. A rogue spice jar of cinnamon fell out of the cupboard and landed on the cup sending it off the windowsill and on to the floor. I never really used it. It’s main purpose was to look cute. That said I really liked it. The deep yellow in contrast with the greeny-blue of my kitchen walls made me smile. The broken cup has been sitting on my kitchen table since the incident. All the little pieces are stacked inside the largest piece of the cup that survived and all of those are nestled on the unbroken saucer. I can’t bring myself to throw them away.

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I slipped for a moment
forgot you existed
all my troubles quietly slipped away
the release went unnoticed
the relief was overwhelming
feeling free
awake to possibility
hoping for something more
allowing myself to enjoy
a blissful moment
then i remembered

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Originally written on April 26, 2022

i am a human being
messy
needy
imperfect
full of life
i am valid
so are my feelings
i am allowed to be complicated
to feel more
than one thing at a time
i don’t need
to figure everything out
i can’t control everything
i’m trying
i’m here
that’s enough

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Originally written on June 2, 2022

Letters I would never send sit in my mind
occasionally I rewrite them
obsess over the exact wording
so you’ll know how you made me feel
the way you impacted my life
how you being you
made me less me
I want to write mean things to you
want to blame you for it all
to articulate it clearly
put it plainly
so there’s no misunderstanding
some of these letters have been collecting dust for decades
others only a few years
they all sit together
a disheveled pile that gets sorted through
when I want to feel bad
picking at the emotional scab
trying to prove to myself
what I don’t deserve
for long stretches of time they go untouched
unedited
unread
feeling free
feeling good
they are never completely forgotten

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Sam Adams

Sam Adams

Actor. Writer. Comedian. Based in Toronto. Dreaming of the Ocean.